What!
by merlinlost
Summary: Oneshot. In which Merlin is an all-powerful warlock who can read minds. Nobody is complaining. (slash)


**After that season 5 finale, I think we all need a moment to figure out what ****_should _****have happened, had Morgana and Mordred not butted in and all was well on a clear, sunny afternoon in Camelot. Just for laughs, hope you enjoy :)**

It all started when Merlin decided to kiss Gwaine.

The knights and their Once and Future King, along with his trusty and apparently enamored manservant, were all on the palace grounds training intensely.

That is, until Merlin decided to plant one on Gwaine.

"What!" Gwaine startled back, waving his hands in the air.

Merlin sulked.

"I wasn't finished yet!"

And then Arthur suddenly realized he had been harboring a crush on his manservant for the past year.

Now seemed a fine time to realize it.

"What!" Arthur said, punching Gwaine in the face.

"What!" said Lancelot, who had been sparring nearby with Percival moments ago.

Lancelot punched Arthur in retaliation. NOBODY touched his Gwaine!

"What!" said the source of the whole commotion (Merlin, and his kissable pink lips), in a very indignant tone, because, well, who dared hit the Once and Future King of Camelot, aka his other half in Destiny?

So of course, Merlin punched Lance. He had to do his duty, after all.

"What!" Gwaine echoed, because Merlin was supposed to be enamored by and defending HIM, not Arthur. Not that Gwaine really minded, as he secretly liked Lancelot back. Still, what a blow to his manly reputation.

"What!" said Percival, because he had never known such a scrawny boy like Merlin could pack such a wallop.

"What?" said Merlin, because, as an all-powerful warlock, he knew exactly what Percival was thinking.

"What!" said Arthur, because, well, he was the King of Camelot. He didn't need a reason.

Many more shouts and scuffles later, the mismatched five on the training grounds decided they had figured things out.

Gwaine would be with Merlin, because it was clear to everyone (except for the two in question) that they desired to be together.

Lance nursed his bruises in silence, because he was noble and honorable, and not a manstealer.

Arthur pretended nothing happened, because, well, he was the King of Camelot. It was unseemly to be pining for a servant.

And if the King said nothing happened, and to forget what (had never) happened, then that was it. So Percival promptly forgot all that had (not) just taken place.

Except, a few moments later, Lance gave a loud, "Screw nobility!" and took a great running leap into Gwaine's (very receptive) arms.

"What?" they said together, happy.

"What!" said Percival, who had, on the King's orders of course, completely forgotten what took place moment's beforehand and was thoroughly confused.

"What!" said Arthur, who was actually very pleased by the whole turn of events.

There was an awkward hiatus in which Merlin did _not _add his voice to the cacophony of '_what_'s filling the air. The broken pattern finally thumped some reason past the crown on Arthur's head, and into his very lovestruck mind.

Arthur leaned over and kissed Merlin.

Merlin kissed back.

Lance and Gwaine made out.

Percival stood alone with his sword (there suddenly seemed to be an inordinate amount of them), utterly perplexed.

"Finally," Merlin sighed, when he and Arthur broke their embrace.

"Do you like Gwaine?" Arthur asked, in a sulky, yet persistent voice.

The man in question was nowhere to be seen, and neither was his newfound partner. Their smirks were the only answer they gave Percival (who was still gaping, dumbfounded) as Gwaine and Lancelot had hurried off the field.

"Of course not," Merlin responded, bringing their lips together again.

It was all Arthur needed to know. And he was the King of Camelot. There were a lot of things Kings usually needed to know.

Arthur and Merlin started to walk off the grounds, passing a spluttering Percival on the way.

"This never took place," Arthur mumbled around his manservant's lips, waving at the field that was littered with abandoned swords (although a fair amount of swords had just left the grounds as well).

And because the King of Camelot had said for it to be so, Percival immediately forgot everything that had just (not) occurred during "training".

* * *

Hours later, as Gwaine tussled happily with Lancelot on the floor of some deserted corridor tucked away in the castle, a strange thought popped momentarily in his mind.

None of this would have happened if Merlin hadn't kissed him. (Not that he was complaining, goodness no.) Gwaine knew Merlin didn't fancy him, and it had all worked out in the end. Yet he had done it…how strange…how peculiar, how…how delicious.

(That last thought was for Lancelot's lips as he brought them up to Gwaine's for the thousandth time that evening. All of Gwaine's thoughts followed a similar pattern after that)

It wasn't strange at all, of course. There was no peculiarity about it. As was mentioned before, Merlin was an all-powerful warlock who knew exactly what everyone had been thinking that afternoon, and exactly what to do about it.

_Fin._

**…and ****_that _****is exactly how it went down. Take notes, BBC. **


End file.
